Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
