remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I touched a dick in church today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
