she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and she was petting her beer can
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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