Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
