From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
