i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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