All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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