walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
