she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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