You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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