Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
