The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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