You can't motorboat a personality
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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