Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
