i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
