did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
