Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Come see our sink grown plant.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
