He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
