I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
