; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Panties = found
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
