you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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