Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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