Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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