***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
