i barfeds in our rink
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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