He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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