So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
