I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
