sarcasm needs its own font
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
