It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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