You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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