Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
