I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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