Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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