I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
