Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
