You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
