I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize