i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
