Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
