just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am one with the molecules
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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