Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
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Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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