This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In other news, I just burned my penis
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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