So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
