Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize