there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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