When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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