I hate your face
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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