I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Randomize
