One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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