"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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