you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
