All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
