So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
