If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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