Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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