He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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