you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
