Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
