You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
