then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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