he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
