Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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