i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
