saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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