we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
