I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
