I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
