Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
