hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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